[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index] [New Search]
Enjoy! Regards, Steve Farmer >Sender: listmom@sensei.com.au >Reply-To: TimzNewz <TimzNewz@sensei.com.au> >Precedence: Bulk >Date: Fri, 27 Jun 1997 06:25:34 +1100 >From: TimzNewz <TimzNewz@sensei.com.au> >To: Multiple recipients of TimzNewz - Sent by <TimzNewz@sensei.com.au> >Subject: HUMOR - The Darwin Awards > >I'm glad to see this proud tradition being carried on ! > > :-)) > >TT > >------------------- > >Below is an extract from Apple Australia's Apple Tech Note #18 for 20th >June 1997. > >1996 DARWIN AWARD NOMINEES > >It is once again time to vote for the Darwin Award nominees for 1996. As >you know these nominees will not be contributing to the gene pool >(thankfully). > >You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out >moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO >(jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be turned >off once it was turned on. > >And 1994's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which >toppled on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. > >The 1996 nominees are: > >NOMINEE #1 [San Jose Mercury News] > >An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former >girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun >discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. > >-------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #2 [Kalamazoo >Gazette, 4-1-95] > >James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying >to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a >friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so >that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes >caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in >the drive shaft." > >-------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #3 [Reuters, >Mississauga, Ontario] > >Man slips, falls 23 stories to his death. A man cleaning a bird feeder >on his balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb >slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said Monday. Stefan >Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair Sunday when the accident >occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional police. "It >appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said. "It's >one of those freak accidents. No foul play is suspected." > >-------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #4 [Hickory Daily >Record 12/21/92] > >Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December >in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone >beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a >Smith&Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. > >-------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #5 [UPI, Toronto] > >Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown >Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged >24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into >the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as >he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law >students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength >according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm >Holden Day Wilson, told the Torontom Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of >the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. > >-------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #6 [AP, Cairo, >Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP)] > >Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had >fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the >first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an >undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and >two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help >him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they >apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six >were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 >miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived... > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #7 [Bloomburg News >Service, 25 March] > >A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the >death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his >body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His >diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other >things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the >man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was >hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been >opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near >airtight bedroom. He was ". . . a big man with a huge capacity for >creating [this deadly gas]." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was >hospitalised. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #9 [18 May 93, San >Jose Mercury News] > >A 24-year-old salesman from Hialeah, Fla., was killed near Lantana, >Fla., in March when his car smashed into a pole in the median strip of >Interstate 95 in the middle of the afternoon. Police said that the man >was travelling at 80 MPH and, judging by the sales manual that was found >open and clutched to his chest, had been busy reading. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #10 [1/29/96 The >News of the weird.] JOINT NOMINEE > >Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously in 1989. He >had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a >murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. >In March 1989, sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to >fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. On Jan. >1, 1997, Laurence Baker, also a convicted murderer once on death row, >but later serving a life sentence at the state prison in Pittsburgh, >Pa., was electrocuted by his homemade earphones as he watched his small >TV while sitting on his metal toilet. > > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #11["The >Indianapolis Star", Wed., Dec. 4, 1996] > >Cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion Dunkirk, Indiana. A >Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a >muzzleloader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his >face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his >parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor >was cleaning a .54-calibre muzzleloader that had not been firing >properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the >gunpowder ignited. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #12 [AP, Mammoth >Lakes] > >A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth >Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities >said. Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth >Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's >Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run >called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift >towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police >Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the >towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope >and Hubal crashed into a tower. It was not clear if the tower he hit was >one with its pad removed. "With the cold temperatures, the snow was >probably pretty fast," said Donnelly. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #13 [Reuters, >Warsaw, Poland, 5 May 1995] > >A poacher electrocuting fish in a lake in central Poland fell into the >water and suffered the same fate as his quarry, police said Thursday. >The 24-year-old man was one of four who went fishing with a cable, one >end of which they attached to a net and the other to a high-voltage >electricity supply line, the PAP news agency quoted a police official in >Wloclawek as saying. "For a while everything went according to the >poachers' plan and they had fish in their bags. But at a certain moment >the man holding the net tripped and fell into the water," the agency >said. The other poachers tried in vain to revive him, it said. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE #14 [AP, St. Louis] > >Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. >When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, >shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police >found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the >six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE 15 [Unknown] > >To poacher Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an >overhanging rock - and was killed instantly when it fell on him. > >------------------------------------------- NOMINEE 16 [Associated >Press, Kincaid, W. VA] > >Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party. A man at a party popped a >blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that >blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry >Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party >late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. `Another man had it in an >aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,'' Payne >said. ``It wouldn't go off and this guy said, `I'll show you how to set >it off. ``I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that,'' Payne >said. > >------------------------------------------- AND FINALLY, NOMINEE #17 >[Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 1-1-93] > >In December near Mineral Wells, Tex., three men who were attempting to >steal copper wire off live electrical lines for resale were >electrocuted. Copper wiring is a valuable scrap metal in Texas but is >usually stolen from electric cables that are not being used. > >********************************************************************** >Here are some people that may be future nominees/winners, but still >haven't made it to the "Big Leagues" > >[UPI, Portland, OR] Doctors at Portlands University Hospital said >Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is >lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony >Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a >men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A >friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered >Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimetre to the >left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died >instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital >in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with >the tip protruding at the rear of his skill, yet somehow managed to miss >all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the >arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts >admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. >Said Roberts, ``I feel so dumb about this.'' No charges have been filed >but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation >stunt is under investigation. > >------------------------------------------ From The Calgary Sun >Saturday, December 28, 1996: Low blow for gunman VANCOUVER (CP) - > >A man arguing over a love triangle accidentally shot himself in the >groin, taking off his testicles and part of his penis. Police said the >man was waving a .357 Magnum revolver around during the shouting match >early yesterday. But when he stuffed it back in his pants the gun went >off. Police were called to the hospital after the man in his 20's was >brought in by friends. Charges are pending against the victim, who is >expected to survive. > >------------------------------------------ Arkansas Democrat Gazette, >July 25, 1996: > >Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident, Cotton Patch, Ark. Two >local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the road >and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday >morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident >shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy >Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at >Baptist Medical Centre. The accident occurred as the two men were >returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday >night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men >concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned >out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the >.22 calibre bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next >to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights >again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound >toward the White River bridge. After travelling approximately twenty >miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently >overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The >vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a >tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, >but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a >broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on >that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we might both be dead" >stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the >world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would >admit how this accident happened", said Snyder. Upon being notified of >the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had >caught and did anyone get them from the truck. > > >"Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit >there." Will Rogers > >________________ >To subscribe to TimzNewz send the message "SUBSCRIBE TimzNewz Your_FirstName >Your_LastName" in the body of the Email to macjordomo@sensei.com.au. > >You can get a list of the commands and the options that this listserver >accepts >by sending a message with "HELP" in the body of a message to >macjordomo@sensei.com.au. >________________ > > --------------------------------------------------- Heads Together Systems Pty Ltd PO Box 2103 Dee Why, NSW, 2099 Sydney, Australia Net: hts@hts.com.au Tel: 612 9982 6767 Fax: 612 9981 3081 Visit our Web Site at http://www.hts.com.au Minds are like parachutes, they work best when open.